health and wellness, Treatment for depression

Being diagnosed with depression

How I’ve come to understand major depressive disorder

It has been 27 years since I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I’m still not comfortable in handling it and find the symptoms difficult to handle every time I have suffered from an episode. Like many people, I believed that moodiness was a part of my personality; it is a relief to find out that the dreary thoughts are not inherently me. I see this is true after some thought because I really am an optimist and like to come up with creative solutions to problems. Major depressive disorder changes this quality and it is hard to bear.   

Why do I have to suffer from this dreadful illness?

Major depressive disorder for me is a hereditary condition that mixed with difficult life circumstances, has become a major hindrance in living my life to the fullest, which is what I desire to do. When I’m tired I have to remind myself that I am not being lazy when I lie in bed. Needing to rest in bed sometimes occurs every day for months on end. I have slept through most of this past winter and now don’t really know what to do with myself. I do wonder why I must have clinical depression weighing me down for years now.  

Why am I telling you about suffering from clinical depression?

Depression has a stigma attached to it and for a long time I would rather not talk about it. I have felt like I need to keep it a secret; my family knows but at my worst I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell them how dire my situation is at times. Recurring thoughts of committing suicide every morning for 3 years has finally come to an end. I believe that too many people don’t understand how serious major depressive disorder is. By adding my voice, I hope to help others learn about coping with depression.

I am embarrassed to have clinical depression

The symptoms of major depressive disorder have left me unemployed, reclusive and irritable. I’d hate for people to see me at my worst because though it doesn’t show, I try to brave this illness with my chin up. I have been lucky enough to be able to work from home as a copywriter. I have also tried to sell crafts online on Etsy. Insomnia, body aches and fatigue dictate when I can work and for how long. I am not able to hold a steady job which is the most embarrassing part of this. I used to pride myself on being strong but depression has made me see that I really am weak. Both of my grandfathers were soldiers and I almost squirm wondering what they would think about me not being able to conquer all the symptoms of depression. I’m sure they would both love me but I can’t help but feel I am an embarrassment to my family. 

Understanding clinical depression

Though it has been years since my diagnoses of depression I still find the illness to be confusing. This is especially true when I try best to follow self-care practises that are supposed to alleviate the symptoms. 

Symptoms include: 

  • fatigue
  • sadness
  • low self-esteem
  • body aches
  • insomnia
  • sleeping too much
  • change in appetite
  • irritability
  • feeling of bodily heaviness
  • slow movements
  • suicidal thinking


I’d like to stress that depression shouldn’t be treated casually. Genuine concern and care help to alleviate some of the pain and suffering experienced in the depths of depression. 

Depression: A Teen’s Guide to Survive and Thrive Purchase here

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